It all depends on who you've loved. My one and only love turned out to be as abusive and cruel as my father and brother. I would actually thank god for being raised in an abusive household so that a man like him would have someone to love, even after he beat me and raped me; that's how skewed my thinking was because of how I was raised. He told me for four years that he was going to marry me, then tossed me when he decided he was through with me. That was twenty three years ago. I've never had a serious relationship with another man since. I wholeheartedly agree that losing him was the best thing that ever could have happened to me, but that is the only love I have ever known. For one, brief, shining moment in my life, I knew what it was like to receive cards and flowers, to be introduced as 'my fiance', to hear somebody tell me 'I love you'. I'm forty-seven years old now, and I will never experience those things again from a man who really loves me. I think it would have been better to never have been 'loved' at all. It would be different if I didn't mind being alone, but I do. I hate it when other people tell me how lucky I am that I'm not tied down. They don't have great relationships and/or marriages so they wish that they were free, and they think anyone that is looking for love is crazy to think that they'll find it. That's why having an imagination is nice. Every once in awhile, you can imagine that you're loved. It's such a wonderful feeling.

Powered by Plinky

Advertisements